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A Tree Grows in Brooklyn (NY)
BROOKLYN, NY - It was discovered, last Monday, that a tree has
grown in Brooklyn, NY. Amazed residents stared dumbfounded at
the three-year-old sapling. Two girls discovered the North
American Honey Birch (Honeyus Bircheus) on the way to...
Discover the Lighter Side of the Internet
We all know the Internet is a great tool for finding out information and sharing knowledge. But as a human sometimes sitting at a computer all day can get quite tedious, especially if it is your job 5 days a week. This feeling can be compounded by...
GRANDPA ALWAYS SAID, 'THE DEVIL IS IN DE TALES'
"When in polite society," my grandfather opined, "never talk about religion or politics." Then he would dismiss himself from said "polite society" and talk about nothing but religion and politics. Mostly, he talked about politics and believe me, he...
I LEFT MY TOES IN TUKTOYAKTUK
Copyright The Quipping Queen 2005 I LEFT MY TOES IN TUKTOYAKTUK -- Or, Tittynoping Tales from a Tavern Fox -- Theolonius McTavish, a trivial talkingstock (an Old English term for an object of conversation) who inevitably forgets the...
Tenderizing Meat and Other Uses For Home Exercise Equipment
Almost everyone has bought home exercise equipment at some point in their life, be it a few rusty dumbells at a garage sale all the way to a complicated new home gym. But how many people continue to use it consistently? Here are some uses (that you...
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A Lawyers Favorite Lawyer Jokes
Lawyer Jokes
Q: How does a pregnant woman know she is carrying a future lawyer?
A: She has an extreme craving for baloney.
Q: What is the legal definition of “Appeal”?
A: Something a person slips on in a grocery store.
Q: Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?
A: To practice.
Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 12?
A: Your Honor.
Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?
A: The lawyer charges more.
Q: What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?
A: The caterer.
Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
A: If one side has one, the other side has to get one.
Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?
A: An offer you can't understand.
Q: What do you call a lawyer gone bad?
A: Senator
Q: Did you hear they just released a new Barbie doll called "Divorced Barbie"?
A: It comes with half of Ken's things and alimony.
Q: What's the difference between an attorney and a pit bull?
A: Jewelry.
Q: What's the definition of mixed emotions?
A: Watching your attorney drive over a cliff in your new Ferrari.
Q: What’s the difference between lawyers and accountants?
A: At least accountants know they’re boring.
Stories:
1. A man who had been
caught embezzling millions went to a lawyer. His lawyer told him, "Don’t worry. You’ll never go to jail with all that money? In fact, when the man was sent to prison, he didn’t have a dime.
2. As the lawyer awoke from surgery, he asked, "Why are all the blinds drawn?" The nurse answered, "There's a fire across the street, and we didn't want you to think you had died."
3. God decided to take the devil to court and settle their differences once and for all. Satan heard this, laughed and said, "And where do you think you're going to find a lawyer?"
4. A lawyer is sitting at the desk in his new office. He hears someone coming to the door. To impress his first potential client, he picks up the phone as the door opens and says, "I demand one million and not a penny less." As he hangs up, the man now standing in his office says, "I'm here to hook up your phone."
And finally:
You Might Be A Lawyer If.... You are charging someone to read these jokes.
About the Author: Richard Chapo is a San Diego business lawyer with http://www.sandiegobusinesslawfirm.com and is rumored to have a sense of humor. Then again, you never know with rumors.
Source: www.isnare.com
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